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“Are you sick?”

Let's remember that the person with an eating disorder ALREADY has low self esteem. Why would you want to say these things to anyone, let alone someone with an eating disorder? There’s nothing wrong with approaching a close friend or family member you may be concerned about and saying “You’ve lost a lot of weight and I’m concerned about you” in a caring way, followed by “I’m here to listen if you want to talk,” but any comment that comes across as insulting or an attack will be heard defensively and will be unproductive for what your original intention may have been.

“Would you just eat already?” “I don’t understand WHY you just don’t eat?”

These are not words of love, but of control. Threatening an anorexic or bulimic with “take-over” is not a good idea if you are trying to help. Let’s try to keep in mind too; there is a lot of guilt attached to eating disorders, so laying it on thick with statements like these only perpetuates the problem. With statements like these the person seeking to help is only trying to pacify his or her own feelings of guilt or powerlessness in not being able to help, and looking for a quick fix.

“Why are you doing this to me?” “Would you look at what you’re doing to your boyfriend/husband/wife/kids…”

Again, with these types of questions you are only perpetuating guilt. You are basically saying, “Why do you make everyone so miserable?” and “Why do you burden us with all this worry?" This sounds selfish, and even if it is not meant selfishly, will only be perceived as a “do not burden us with your problems” or “look at all of the trouble you are causing." If you are close to someone with an eating disorder (and you might be if you are reading this) take it as an opportunity for yourself to learn to communicate more clearly, and to be a more understanding individual. Those with an eating disorder are not doing anything to you, but are struggling tremendously themselves, inside.